Liar!
Thursday 8 of November, 2007
This is a bit of a weird thing but, I'm a liar. I'm really REALLY good at it too.
I once told a buddy a story, fabricated from whole cloth, which he believed. I found it hugely funny that he believed me. Years later @ his wedding I was giving the best man speech and recounted the story. The people gathered believed it too! I didn't find it quite so funny that time :)Some Background
Firstly you need a bit of background. This story's subject is Edinburgh, Leith, Nelson's Monument and in particular, the One O'Clock Gun.
Every day, except Sundays at one o'clock they fire this bloody great gun from Edinburgh Castle. On nearby Calton Hill is Nelson's Monument, built between 1807 and 1815. On top of the monument is a mast with a ball that drops at, you guessed it, precisely one o'clock.
Leith and Edinburgh are, historically, two separate burghs. Leith was merged with Edinburgh in 1920 following an unofficial referendum in which the people of Leith voted five to one against the merger. Leith's simmering resentment is common knowledge. I make it sound like there is an ongoing war of independence :) It's not like that at all. In fact any resentment may well be confined to the history books.
Residents of Edinburgh know about the gun, they know it points in the general direction of north east, towards Leith funnily enough. Residents also know that Calton Hill is also in that vague direction, in relation to the castle - it's actually more east than north east. But anyway, as we all know, a good lie should have at least some truth in it.
Normally you start the story off with a question. "Do you know the story of the one o'clock gun and that ball droppy thingy on Calton hill?". People who know the actual story usually say "yeah!" and proceed to tell the story. Let em crack on. Once they are finished, say something like... "Wellllll. That's not actually true...". This story is much more believable :) Even those who know the truth may be convinced by the lie!The One O'Clock Gun Lie
I assume you know that ball thing drops at the same time the gun goes off yeah? Do you know why?
Way back in the olden days before Leith and Edinburgh where joined there used to be pretty much empty fields out there. The guards at Edinburgh Castle used to do training and fire live ammo into this area.
One day during an exercise they where loading the gun and it somehow became misaligned. Nobody noticed and when they fired it the canon ball just brushed the ball on the Calton Hill tower thingy. The ball, at the time, was a a permanent fixture. Absolutely nothing happened, nothing except the ball fell down.
The reason they synchronise the gun and ball is purely a commemoration of this lucky escape.
Ok so that is the story. It's obvious to you it's a lie. And I'm hoping it's obvious for the following reasons : -I don't know why people believe this. Everyone I've told it to believed it. Even those that new the real reasons behind the gun and ball. Maybe it's how I tell 'em. Maybe it's the listener unconsciously knows Leith and Edinburgh made uneasy bedfellows and the idea of Edinburgh firing cannonballs at Leith is comforting :) Maybe it's coz we secretly believe they where all insane back then. Who knows.
- There was fields between Edinburgh and Leith after 1815? Yer Arse!
- They'd actually fire cannonballs into an area of, nonexistent, fields where people could be farming? Yer Arse!
- The misalignment would have to be something like 10-20°. Nobody noticed that? Yer Arse!
Makes a great campfire story though :)
The real story is much more prosaic. Historically, the gun is an audible aid to mariners who need to know the correct time. The ball is a visual aid. These days, they are both just tourist draws. More here...
Independance Now!
Thursday 8 of November, 2007
Politics... pfft.
I was speaking to a couple of tories, one of them quite high up in the party - Remember this is Scotland so "quite high up" is relative when it comes to the tories...
Anyway, I was asking em why Scotland should stay in the Union. You know, the only reason they could give is the money we receive from the Barnett Formula.
So lets get this right, the only reason we should stay in the Union is because of a handout? Ain't that good for the ole' Scottish confidence...
Another reason given was European membership. If Scotland went independant we wouldn't be in Europe automatically. We'd have to apply. Isn't it ironic that Tories who hate everything European would site being left out of Europe as a reason not to break up the Union. I wonder how Norway is doing out there in the cold!
Of course, Norway has reserves of oil and gas. According to this racist Scotlands belongs to England so we can't count on financing ourselves with that...